My very first speech in Toastmasters was titled "Like a flowing river" after Paulo Coelho's collection of short stories as well as a comparison of how my life kept changing its course over years. Life in fact, is everchanging; or else, why would it be called life? As the title of one of my old posts goes, life is simple; accept the change.
In the past 6 years, my life kept changing but it was more like a loop. The phases of writing UPSC prelims, then mains and make a short trip to the US when possible and write prelims again.... went on and on and the cycle continued. Finally, I have exhausted all my attempts as well as age limit this year and this cycle would end very soon and life will change all over again.
Now when I think of starting a new phase of life afresh, I don't regret even a single decision I made throughout this cycle. But there is one particular change in me which impacted one of the core defining features of what I am. I stopped being in touch with many of my old friends and did not make many new friends either. I travel for around 16-17 hours on a flight but hardly speak a word with co-passenger. I choose side lower berth in 2 tier AC trains, close the curtain and travel 12-24 hrs in silence. I look at the posts of some old friends on FB and WhatsApp but don't ping them.
This change is not just a consequence of busy lives or lack of interest in people. It is a conscious choice I made when I found it difficult, or rather boring to answer follow up questions after "how are you?" (in case of old friends) or "hello" (in case of strangers). Old friends ask about my exam, when and why I would be returning to India, my plan about having kids (strangely, people of my generation are still interested in asking this question) and now my answers also became part of my life cycle because of repeating the same answers all these years. New ones ask me what I do, why I would be returning to India (not when, because they don't care obviously) and if my husband is supportive and I end up explaining them the entire exam cycle. Sometimes I doubt if these questions are also a part of my exam syllabus since I go through them repetitively.
After all the questions, another thing that my old friends repeated was their reassurance and faith that I will be successful one day in my endeavors and the new ones wish me luck. Thanks to all those kind words and they played a great role in keeping my morale up in all my attempts at this exam. By the end of this year, I hope I will have new answers to those questions and I badly wish the questions change as well. I promise that I will soon get in touch with all my old buddies and if you are one and reading this, please promise me you will keep the conversation interesting ;)
In the past 6 years, my life kept changing but it was more like a loop. The phases of writing UPSC prelims, then mains and make a short trip to the US when possible and write prelims again.... went on and on and the cycle continued. Finally, I have exhausted all my attempts as well as age limit this year and this cycle would end very soon and life will change all over again.
Now when I think of starting a new phase of life afresh, I don't regret even a single decision I made throughout this cycle. But there is one particular change in me which impacted one of the core defining features of what I am. I stopped being in touch with many of my old friends and did not make many new friends either. I travel for around 16-17 hours on a flight but hardly speak a word with co-passenger. I choose side lower berth in 2 tier AC trains, close the curtain and travel 12-24 hrs in silence. I look at the posts of some old friends on FB and WhatsApp but don't ping them.
This change is not just a consequence of busy lives or lack of interest in people. It is a conscious choice I made when I found it difficult, or rather boring to answer follow up questions after "how are you?" (in case of old friends) or "hello" (in case of strangers). Old friends ask about my exam, when and why I would be returning to India, my plan about having kids (strangely, people of my generation are still interested in asking this question) and now my answers also became part of my life cycle because of repeating the same answers all these years. New ones ask me what I do, why I would be returning to India (not when, because they don't care obviously) and if my husband is supportive and I end up explaining them the entire exam cycle. Sometimes I doubt if these questions are also a part of my exam syllabus since I go through them repetitively.
After all the questions, another thing that my old friends repeated was their reassurance and faith that I will be successful one day in my endeavors and the new ones wish me luck. Thanks to all those kind words and they played a great role in keeping my morale up in all my attempts at this exam. By the end of this year, I hope I will have new answers to those questions and I badly wish the questions change as well. I promise that I will soon get in touch with all my old buddies and if you are one and reading this, please promise me you will keep the conversation interesting ;)
